The loss of an unborn baby

Saturday afternoon, while my wife and I were taking care of errands, my cell phone rang. It was our middle son from Dibol. When I answered the phone I could tell that there was something not right. I asked him what was going on and he proceeded to explain to me that his wife had miscarried her fetus.
Last week, they went to the Doctors for an ultrasound. The Doctor had a hard time finding the baby and when they turned the volume up to hear the sound of a heartbeat, there was none. I can't imagine the shock and pain that they both must have felt at that point.
Most of us today shy away from talking about death. We are uncomfortable with this topic, because we have know no idea what death really is. Oh yes, when the heart stops beating and the lungs top breathing, the body dies. But no one knows what happens to the soul part of us. No one knows what happens to us after we die, since no one has come back thirty days after, to us that information. We have beliefs, it is true. Some of us believe that there is a Heaven and a Hell, some of us don't. But nobody knows for sure.
Between the lack of knowledge of death and the fear we all have of it, silence reigns supreme when someone dies. And I suppose it is even worse when someone dies even before their birth, or when there is a miscarriage.
What makes this such a painful experience is that such a death can be called a "double death," and it is this doubling of grief that complicates the mourning process.
First the baby died. That in itself is a tragedy. She carried the fetus for however long the term and to now be faced with the grim reality that what was growing in her body is now gone, has got to be hard for her.
But in addition, this death is also the death of her hopes, dreams and expectations for this unborn child of hers. She was already dreaming about its growing up and making friends in school, moving on to college life experiences, marriage and the birth of grandchildren. All this too has now come to an end. This is the "double death" that she is now feeling. Unfortunately, some people treat this death as something less important, unworthy of caring about.
The tragedy of it all is, that she needs for those close to her to reach out and listen to her, to treat this as "real," not something she has made up. She needs hugs from her friends and family, not silence or condescension. She needs to know they still love her, so that she can begin again to love herself and to properly prepare for the rest of her life.
I leave this prayer for my departed grandchild.

Dear God,

Please take the soul and spirit of this dear departed one into the sweetest corner

of your mind, the most tender place in Your heart, that they and I, might be comforted.

For now, they are gone, and I pray God, for the strength to remember they have not

gone far. For they are with You and shall remain so forever. They remain with me,

for we are all in You together. The cord that binds us one to the other cannot be cut, surely

not by death. For You dear God, have brought us together, and we remain in eternal connection.

There is no power greater than You. Death is not Your master, nor mine. These things

I believe and ask my heart to register. I surrender to You my grief. I surrender to you

my pain. Please take care of Your servant, my dear one who has passed. And please, dear Lord,

take care of me.

(Marianne Williamson)